rest, part seven

7. rest: planning ahead

I have just returned from participating in a retreat in California and had the joy of spending a few hours with my dear Aunt Sylvia. After a wonderful meal of Indian food, we stopped by her house and the first thing I noticed was a string of gorgeous, strong, many flowered, tall, sunflowers lining her driveway. She said, "Oh those? They are volunteers! They'll last the whole summer."

I've planted sunflowers.
Most died. A few grew. None flowered all summer.
And I've NEVER had volunteers.

Rest is more like my sunflowers than those of my dear Aunt Sylvia. Rest rarely volunteers itself. It almost never appears and grows strong on its own accord. It requires careful planning, repeated planting, constant protection.

So for an exercise, let's look at the summer before us:

1. What would we like to say about our relationship with God around August 1st?
   
2. How can we create a quiet space each day to simply whisper "I love you" to God, take a few deep breaths, wind down, and refocus on the eternal? Early mornings? Late nights? On the porch? In the bathroom?
3. What could we do this summer that would help us tap into how God has uniquely designed us to worship and experience him? Painting? Hikes? Ballet? Piano?
4. What would it take to carve out a 24-48 hour prayer retreat? Asking relatives to come help with the children? Taking a few days vacation for ourselves? Cooperating with a friend to help each other cover responsibilities for a day?

rest, part six

6. rest: a mental journey

Personally, setting boundaries relationally and physically has been MUCH easier for me than setting boundaries mentally. Being intentional about relational investment, choosing to carve out monthly prayer retreats, saying "no, thank you" to opportunities...though challenging, these choices have seemed easy compared to the continual struggle I have to rest in my mind.

By nature, my brain is always humming, processing, creating, trouble-shooting, in short--working! For years, I considered my multi-tasking auto-pilot a gift. Perhaps not :-). Mental multi-tasking has several shadows including not being fully present for others, not being able to pause between responsibilities, and increasing my vulnerability to stress.

So Jesus and I are working on this one. Actually, He's patiently encouraging my very slow progress. For those who share my struggle, here are a few principles I keep before me:

1. Years ago I read a sign that said, "when you walk, just walk. when you eat, just eat." What a concept! It hints of truths from Brother Lawrence's writings about savoring God's presence in this very moment.
2. I have a limited amount of daily emotional and mental energy. Long-term it is much more valuable for me to use that energy being thankful for today instead of trouble-shooting tomorrow.
3. When I'm stuck on a thought/problem, I ask God to mentor my mind. Often I'm just thinking instead of thinking WITH Him. What a difference that small word "WITH" makes!
4. At night, I fast problem solving--otherwise I would have trouble sleeping.
5. I use my daytimer to write challenges down and carve out time to process them. Today, for example, I want to think through everything to pack for the upcoming family road trip. But the best use of time is to postpone that processing until the flight home from California instead of eating up precious family time today.
6. I screen phone calls and try to answer business calls only during my scheduled office time to both protect family time AND to not turn on my brain about decisions that can wait until tomorrow or the next time I'm in my office (which is above our garage).
7. When I'm tempted to over-work things in my brain, I take a few deep breathes, turn my thoughts toward Jesus, and talk with Him, remembering that He is with me and that--since He hasn't had a hysterectomy :-)-- His memory is impeccable. He remembers even what I forget. If it's that important, He is perfectly capable of bringing it back to my mind.

rest, part five

5. rest: my personal journey

Often people ask me if rest is just part of my natural personality--in other words, have rest and margin always been a part of my life. In a word, NO! If you were to ask any of the dear students we served at the University of Texas this question, they might actually laugh. Bear and I as single ministers and then for our first 7 years of marriage, burned the candle at both ends. We each put in 70-80 hours a week, slept little, always had people in our home, and absolutely loved life.

Then God surprised me with a discovery from my journals. Every year I carve out time to read the past year's journals and try to paint a bigger picture of what God has been weaving into my life. In 1994, the past year's journals were filled with words like sad, discouraged, discontent, low, blue, down.

Through the wisdom of a mentor, God showed me that my internal treasure cave was down to its last few pearls. I could keep going at the same pace if I wanted, but I'd wake up soon and find myself totally empty. God then invited me into a sabbatical season.

I thought it was a year of rest, but in fact, God was calling me to rewire my whole life. It didn't happen overnight, in fact I'm still working on these disciplines. But by God's grace and infinite patience, Barry and I now celebrate margin and intentionally work to not live past the edge of our emotional and physical reserves.

There are certainly seasons when we choose to spend that margin on the unexpected (we're in one of those seasons now :-) but that's a conscious choice. And it feels so good (after fourteen years!) to know that when we need to call on a reserve, its going to be there.

Margin is like an emergency savings account--you have to invest in it before an emergency.