rest, part eight

8. when there is no rest

We have just returned from a 15 day family vacation road trip. My entries about rest ended the day we started packing :-). For the last two weeks, we have enjoyed long van rides, sardine-like sleeping conditions in hotels in between my snoring hubby and mom, the constant monitoring of baby Louie in not-so-kid friendly environments, the noise of big cities, the crowds of theme parks...you get the picture.

Rest? Not so much. Even my normal "sanctuary" of the bathroom was rarely uninterrupted! But in these crowded spaces of life, I attempt to rest internally by "doing every little thing for the love of God" as Brother Lawrence would say. Most of the time I'm simply strategizing how I'm going to clean Louie's last pacifier, but every now and then I remember that God is still profoundly WITH me and I exert energy to think with Him.

Sometimes I Scripture pray in those spaces. Sometimes I simply sigh and say thank-you. But I attempt to quiet my distracted mind and remember His nearness, His love, His attention. Those moments are like thick raindrops on my soul--refreshing and, yes, even restful.

rest, part seven

7. rest: planning ahead

I have just returned from participating in a retreat in California and had the joy of spending a few hours with my dear Aunt Sylvia. After a wonderful meal of Indian food, we stopped by her house and the first thing I noticed was a string of gorgeous, strong, many flowered, tall, sunflowers lining her driveway. She said, "Oh those? They are volunteers! They'll last the whole summer."

I've planted sunflowers.
Most died. A few grew. None flowered all summer.
And I've NEVER had volunteers.

Rest is more like my sunflowers than those of my dear Aunt Sylvia. Rest rarely volunteers itself. It almost never appears and grows strong on its own accord. It requires careful planning, repeated planting, constant protection.

So for an exercise, let's look at the summer before us:

1. What would we like to say about our relationship with God around August 1st?
   
2. How can we create a quiet space each day to simply whisper "I love you" to God, take a few deep breaths, wind down, and refocus on the eternal? Early mornings? Late nights? On the porch? In the bathroom?
3. What could we do this summer that would help us tap into how God has uniquely designed us to worship and experience him? Painting? Hikes? Ballet? Piano?
4. What would it take to carve out a 24-48 hour prayer retreat? Asking relatives to come help with the children? Taking a few days vacation for ourselves? Cooperating with a friend to help each other cover responsibilities for a day?

rest, part six

6. rest: a mental journey

Personally, setting boundaries relationally and physically has been MUCH easier for me than setting boundaries mentally. Being intentional about relational investment, choosing to carve out monthly prayer retreats, saying "no, thank you" to opportunities...though challenging, these choices have seemed easy compared to the continual struggle I have to rest in my mind.

By nature, my brain is always humming, processing, creating, trouble-shooting, in short--working! For years, I considered my multi-tasking auto-pilot a gift. Perhaps not :-). Mental multi-tasking has several shadows including not being fully present for others, not being able to pause between responsibilities, and increasing my vulnerability to stress.

So Jesus and I are working on this one. Actually, He's patiently encouraging my very slow progress. For those who share my struggle, here are a few principles I keep before me:

1. Years ago I read a sign that said, "when you walk, just walk. when you eat, just eat." What a concept! It hints of truths from Brother Lawrence's writings about savoring God's presence in this very moment.
2. I have a limited amount of daily emotional and mental energy. Long-term it is much more valuable for me to use that energy being thankful for today instead of trouble-shooting tomorrow.
3. When I'm stuck on a thought/problem, I ask God to mentor my mind. Often I'm just thinking instead of thinking WITH Him. What a difference that small word "WITH" makes!
4. At night, I fast problem solving--otherwise I would have trouble sleeping.
5. I use my daytimer to write challenges down and carve out time to process them. Today, for example, I want to think through everything to pack for the upcoming family road trip. But the best use of time is to postpone that processing until the flight home from California instead of eating up precious family time today.
6. I screen phone calls and try to answer business calls only during my scheduled office time to both protect family time AND to not turn on my brain about decisions that can wait until tomorrow or the next time I'm in my office (which is above our garage).
7. When I'm tempted to over-work things in my brain, I take a few deep breathes, turn my thoughts toward Jesus, and talk with Him, remembering that He is with me and that--since He hasn't had a hysterectomy :-)-- His memory is impeccable. He remembers even what I forget. If it's that important, He is perfectly capable of bringing it back to my mind.

rest, part three

3. rest: the discipline of selective disappointment

In the beginning...of ministry, I said "yes" to other's requests for a variety of reasons:

• I felt I was supposed to say "yes"
• I wanted to honor the people who asked me to say "yes"
• I thought something would go undone [gasp] if I didn't say "yes"
• I wanted people to consider me a team player or to simply value me for helping out
• I reasoned that if I'm able to meet a need, I must therefore be called to meet that need
  

But when all these reasons layered over one another, I soon found myself running on empty.

Once God graciously began helping me to distinguish between need, ability, season, and calling...the next big challenge for me personally was paying the price of others' disappointment when I started to respectfully say "no, thank you" to opportunities and requests.

The discipline of selective disappointment goes something like this:

• people are always going to have an opinion about how you should be using your time and talents
• if you are here, some will think you should be there; if you're doing this, some will think you should be doing that...
• so since people are going to be disappointed ANYWAY, I vote we take authority in how that disappointment is distributed

When I'm faced with someone's disappointment, I remind myself of the following:

• need is a voice that never says "enough"
• the greatest gift I can give anyone will come from the overflow of a healthy, well-nurtured relationship with Jesus and my family
• every time I say "no" I give someone else the opportunity to say "yes" and that's a good thing
  

rest, part two

2. rest: a framework

I would like to strongly suggest that you consider purchasing a great book that will provide a spiritual, physical, and interpersonal framework for our redefining of rest: Margin, by Dr. Swenson.

Barry and I read this book years ago. Picture a straight line that represents our daily reserve of personal energy. Swenson is a medical doctor whose premise is that God designed us (physically, emotionally, relationally) to live between points A and B and that the space between B to C is on reserve for the unexpected, for crisis. BUT on a daily basis we live from A to C. So when a crisis does arise, it pushes us over into overload.

In other words, God didn't design us to live to the end of our abilities every day. We're supposed to have a buffer. If we live each day to the end of our rope, there's nothing left to hold onto when an unanticipated problem calls for something "more."

rest, part one

Rest.

Those of you familiar with my writings will know that this is a dear theme to me :-).

In our culture we view rest as a reward for faithfulness. We plan on resting after the project is complete, after we get that promotion, after that busy season, after we retire, or after...we die?!

However, as I study rest in the bible, it seems that more than a reward for faithfulness, rest is a prerequisite for fruitfulness.

Now some may challenge that and say, "But, in the Creation account, God worked for six days and then rested on the seventh."

True.

But what was God doing before Day One?

Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing several thoughts on resting in the midst of real life. I hope you enjoy them!